40 Days of Reflection - Monday, Second Week of Lent

"About eight days after Jesus said this, he took Peter, John and James and went up the mountain to pray." (Lk 9:28)

Mountains…

October 19, 2006 

This piece is a revelation... I wrote it more than 6 years ago and it still touches my heart whenever I read it...

My Story

When I was younger, I was really having a hard time trusting, sharing, and giving even a part of myself to others – I have friends.. so many.. but never a best friend.

I was like that because I was afraid to get hurt, I fear rejection and I wanted to be always in control – If I lose that – I panic and just like a rose, I protected myself with thorns.

I have learned early in life to put a hardened shell around me so that even if I will hear people comparing me with others, criticizing me or making fun of me then I’ll still be whole and intact.

I have become so focused. I was self-centered, close-minded and lived a life on my own, mine alone. 

Yup! That’s me!

Now this guy, He’s a constant companion, He’s a friend, He’s older than I am, He’s tall and He’s handsome, and am secretly falling in love with Him, haha.

And who wouldn’t be? He’s always there for me, whenever I have problems He’s always the one who would listen, if I need anything He’d give His time, His effort, His presence, His love. He’s very simple and yet when He speaks you will be drawn to Him.

There were so many times that I would resist and resent Him. Imagine it took me a long time to put on that shield and He’s interfering my security wall – but He’s so persistent and He doesn’t seem to care – no matter how many times I would reject Him, no matter how many times I’d make fun of him in front of my friends, at the end of the day, He would always knock at my door and join me in whatever I am doing. Ideal, right?

He loves mountains and I do too. 

One day when we were up there – yup it was so magical and captivating! It was late in the afternoon and I was already feeling cold and tired, we sat side by side and then I leaned on His shoulders and then He started to speak. 

He told me how He has seen me grow and how attached we have become, as He was talking my heart started to beat faster and I started to sweat, He held my hands and told me how much He loves me and that no matter how many times I would reject Him, and no matter how childish and selfish I am, He loves me in spite of all that!

And right there and then I felt the thorns being pluck one by one. 

Right there and then I  felt the hardened shell breaking. And since I could feel His deep sincerity – I just couldn’t help but cry and hug Him as I told Him how much I have grown to love Him as well. And He has become my best friend ever since.

I am a different Gemma now.. I have learned to open myself to love and be loved in return. I don’t climb mountains anymore.. but in my heart I still do.

It would have taken me a lifetime before I can break that self-centered, untrusting and unloving me had it not been for that Man, who loved me. 

He has seen and is still seeing my inner being. He is still seeing me differently from His perfect perspective. Who up to this time and forever loves me still.

For another I am nothing. I am not worth the friendship or the love.

For another I don’t matter. But for Him, I am everything.

And guess what, you are everything for Him too!

I  hope as I still try to get to know more of Him, for me to love Him fully (lifetime process hehe) , I hope you do too, get to know more of this Man, this Man who has opened Himself for us and loves us.. extremely!

By the way, His name is JESUS. My Bestfriend.